At this festive time of year, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed especially if you’re hosting Christmas dinner this year. Read on for ways to lessen the pressure you feel so you can truly take some time for yourself to enjoy the holidays.

Let’s face it:  you deserve to have a happy holiday and to carve out time for yourself to relax, recharge and simply enjoy this special time of year – even if you are the one hosting a family Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. I’m here to say that even if you are the host of a Christmas gathering event, not everything needs to be heaped on your shoulders for you to pull off. The family members closest to you, who will be attending, can lend a specific helping hand to prevent a heavy burden from being placed on you.

The help I’m suggesting is that they contribute a complementary dish to the meal so that you, as host, do not have to prepare ALL the food for the large dinner. Those that would contribute a complementary dish would be family members who also take on hosting a family dinner get-together at another time of year. When you ask them for this help, you can tell them that you will return the favour when it’s their turn to serve as host. You may discover that they’ll feel just the same as you and would appreciate the same help when they’re the ones hosting. You can make this a new tradition for your family, which makes the burden of hosting so much less!

The complementary dish is such a big help

I would not describe this as being the same as what is considered a pot-luck meal, where everyone contributes a substantial dish and there is no real host. No. What I’m talking about is that you ask your closest family members to help you by bringing a complementary dish that completes a traditional turkey (or ham or roast beef) holiday dinner. It is not too much work for those bringing a complementary dish (it’s much less work than preparing an entire holiday dinner!).

When my Mom grew older and became incapable of hosting turkey dinners for our family, my three sisters and I took over taking turns with hosting duties. We decided to each choose a holiday gathering to host, i.e. Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Once we started doing that, we realized that even hosting one of these dinners is a lot of work (thanks Mom!), so we eventually started to each offer one dish to these family meals – with the host knowing in advance which food contribution each of us would bring.

So, it works like this:  the host prepares the turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and a vegetable or two like carrots or peas and the other contributors each bring a complementary dish like dessert, another veggie dish like roasted Brussels sprouts, green beans or a sweet potato casserole, dinner rolls and homemade cranberry sauce. This results in quite an impressive spread and is considerably less cooking work for the host.

My husband and I host our family Christmas Day dinner. Last year I decided to prepare the mashed potatoes and the vegetables I was making the day before and refrigerate them until the next day. This worked really well, as Christmas Day preparations were a breeze for me and I found I had more quality time to spend with my family before the meal was served.

We have three members of our family who are vegetarian, so they look after preparing and bringing a protein dish that will replace the turkey serving for them at dinner. This immediately removes one task for the host that would otherwise be an added responsibility.

Cleaning your house in preparation for the big event

As a host, you’ll want to ensure that your abode is clean and ready to welcome guests. To lessen the last-minute tearing around the house exhausting yourself cleaning everything top-to-bottom, I find it helpful to plan ahead and thoroughly clean (vacuum, wash floors, dust) the major areas a week or two ahead of your gathering. In fact, I divide up this work over the course of several days, getting a good clean completed a room or a task at a time. Small steps add up nicely. It’s easier to approach a big project by breaking it up into its smaller building blocks. Then, a day or two before the event, a light touch-up can be done if needed, such as a little dusting and shining of flat surfaces, a spot cleaning of the kitchen floor or a quick vacuum of wall-to-wall carpeting in the living room. You will be amazed at how this light touch-up can still show off your home at its best after that thorough clean was done beforehand.

Bathrooms that guests will use can be cleaned that morning once the turkey is in the oven. They are probably the rooms that a host makes absolute sure are spic and span ready for guests. You’d no doubt want to make sure the hand towel is fresh and clean, the sink and toilet are scrubbed, the mirror is shined and there is enough hand soap and bathroom tissue on hand. Once the guest bathroom is clean, I even go as far as telling my husband he has to use our ensuite bathroom that day and leave our guest bathroom unoccupied. (Okay, so I use the ensuite bathroom that day, too! )

Your house doesn’t have to be so pristine you’d win a Cleaner of the Year award

One important lesson I’ve learned is that it is okay if everything in your home is not absolutely perfect. It was my Mom who reminded me of this truth. You are inviting your family and perhaps some of your closest friends to your home to celebrate and share a meal together. You are not inviting the chief inspector of Merry Maids to critique the cleanliness of your home. Your family and friends have come to spend time with you and each other; they’re not there to check out if your house is spotless.

When I go to a family member’s or friend’s house to visit them, I don’t notice if there’s any shortcomings in how their house looks. I’m not there to judge them. What’s important to me is enjoying the company of my family member or friend.

If any of your family members or closest friends decide to look down upon you if they happen to spot a forgotten dust-laden corner of a baseboard or a mark on one of your windows, then that reflects more on their judgmental nature than on you as a good human being. I can’t stress enough that other people’s judgements about you or your housekeeping are their problem, not yours. So, relax and know you’ve done your best – and your best is always enough!

Other tasks you can do well ahead of Christmas Day – and make them enjoyable

My Mom told me that she set her dining table a few days in advance of a large family dinner to lessen the stress and to-do list the day of the get-together. This made a lot of sense to me and I’ve adopted the same strategy. While it could be viewed as a chore, I think of it as how can I make my dining table look festive and inviting. I find I enjoy setting everything out.

I used to view setting up and decorating my Christmas tree as a necessary task and obligation that I didn’t look forward to doing. I know many people love doing it, but I felt it was just another thing to add to my to-do list. Now, I’ve changed my thinking and take pleasure in placing my special and meaningful ornaments on the tree. I find it really was a mindset thing for me and I just needed to adjust my thinking.

Another thing I used to find to be a bit of a drudgery was wrapping presents, especially if I had a lot of items to wrap. Again, I realize many others love doing this activity. Like dreading to do something, I often chose to put off this task, putting more pressure on myself in the process. Now, I choose to wrap Christmas presents early (this year, I have it already done). It helps me to feel organized and on top of things. The presents are all set to be placed under our soon-to-be-erected Christmas tree.

Family helping out by bringing an agreed-upon dish to contribute to the meal is a godsend for the host. Other things that family members can keep in mind to help make the host’s experience easier include the following:

• upon arrival, ask if there is anything you can do to help the host. If the host tells you, no, that’s okay, everything is done, you could perhaps say something like the following: if you would like any assistance bringing food dishes out to the table or if I can keep an eye on something, like what’s heating up in the microwave, I’d be happy to do so. Sometimes the host may not realize that they could easily use a little help. If the host seems adamant that there is nothing they need your help with, you have at least generously offered assistance which would only be viewed as a kind gesture,
• during the meal, be sure to offer compliments to all who prepared the food and show your appreciation for having been invited to such a delicious dinner, and
• after the meal has been consumed, help to clear the table and be ready, willing and able to help store leftovers and wash or dry the dishes.

A gracious guest – one that is sure to be remembered fondly by the host – is one:

• who brings with them the alcoholic or other beverage of choice they will imbibe at the gathering (BYOB),
• who brings a gift for the host, e.g. a nice bottle of wine, a nice box of chocolates, specialty cookies or cupcakes or some homemade sweet treats, a bouquet of flowers in a vase (not simply cut flowers, which requires the host to locate a vase, snip the stems and arrange the flowers taking up the host’s valuable time), or other small gift that would be meaningful to the host,
• who realizes that the host should have time to enjoy the ambience and the company of the others present, too, so will be the first to offer a helping hand to the host to lessen any stress the host may feel,
• who graciously compliments the host on a fine meal,
• who checks themself to ensure they do not dominate the conversation at the dinner table,
• who helps ensure that everyone is included in the conversation at the dinner table,
• who does not overstay their welcome into the late hours of the evening, and
• who sincerely thanks the host for being invited and follows up the next day with a phone call to say thank you or sends a written thank-you by electronic means or mail.

As a host, it means so much to receive selflessly offered help from close family members. I find it’s one of life’s joys to welcome guests to my home.

This holiday season, we can make it a point to be a guest that any host would be overjoyed to have. It’s not difficult when we have an open and giving heart.

If you’re hosting a family holiday dinner this year, I wish you a stress-free experience heading up an event that leaves you feeling filled up with love and revelling in the joy that is the spirit of the Season.

You are the Light of your own Life.