Apologies have great power to repair our relationships. Giving or receiving a sincere apology clears away negative feelings, making space for peace of mind and greater human connection.

How many songs have been written about apologizing to someone? There’s quite a few! It’s no wonder. Apologizing is how we make right the mistake of doing or saying something that we regret. AND every one of us makes mistakes because we are human.

As a Canadian, I’m aware we’re a people known to be very nice and extremely apologetic. I don’t doubt it. Have you ever apologized to an inanimate object after absentmindedly bumping into it? I have. 😉 We also say sorry when someone accidentally bumps into us when the other person is normally the one to apologize. Yes, Canadians are a friendly sort.

Receiving a sincere apology positively impacts our lives

We often hear about how a now-famous person was bullied when they were younger and then, years later, their tormentor sincerely apologizes to them for their past cruel behaviour towards them. These apologies are healing and can help close the chapter on past hurts.

Have you had something similar happen in your life? It happened to me at least once that I recall and it was an unexpected gift. I was grateful to have received a genuine apology from someone who was unkind towards me in a past workplace environment. The apology validated that I was, indeed, treated poorly without any justification.

Giving a sincere apology maintains and strengthens our relationships

It is a choice to apologize to someone. We can be generous in deciding whether we should apologize to someone when we believe we’ve made a misstep. We can err on the side of kindness. Apologizing is a way to ease our mind and forgive ourselves our mistake.

If I realize I said something to someone that was less than kind or understanding, even if uttered out of frustration, I feel the need to make it right. Even if the other person and I have “moved on” from the incident and it appears forgotten by the one I hurt, I will raise the subject with them to “officially” clear the air and apologize to them. I want to acknowledge what I did wrong and tell them I’m sorry. I check in with the other person to try to erase any feelings of hurt they may have experienced and hopefully ensure there’s no lasting resentment. I feel better putting behind me something that I tried to resolve satisfactorily for both me and the other person.

Sometimes this type of incident will happen between me and one of my three sisters. We are very close and have always been able to communicate openly with one another. Although we’re loving sisters, we are each unique with our own beliefs and differences in how we live our lives. We expect to disagree sometimes and take care to respect each other’s opinions. In this way, we don’t experience conflict with one another often. In fact, we each have expressed our unlimited support for each other and how we will always be there for one another. Even with this comfortability, there are times when I might say something that is either badly misconstrued or does not sound that nice (which I usually instantly regret). Don’t we all have these moments in our close relationships? I am compelled to apologize when I realize I haven’t been as kind or as understanding as I should be and want to be.

Apologizing clears the slate and soothes any hurt feelings. I am thankful that my sisters and I are incapable of holding grudges against one another. Some families are not that lucky.

A sincere apology can heal even long-term family or friend estrangements

I know of a situation where the mother did not talk to one of her daughters for years, perhaps a decade, because of some disagreement. An extended family member intervened and spoke to both the mother and daughter separately expressing to them that their harsh stance against one another is depriving both of them of shared experiences and love. Almost miraculously, the mother and daughter reconnected after this intervention and were able to repair their familial relationship. No doubt, apologies were involved. Today, they are close once again. No matter the number of years that a rift exists, a relationship can be reestablished if both parties are willing and the party(ies) responsible for the wrongdoing offer a sincere apology to the other.

An apology can reverse a serious misunderstanding and build a solid relationship 

At one of my previous workplaces, I was working with an associate in the community and things were going well. Suddenly, our communications stopped and I was unaware why this happened. I reached out to this associate to ask what the problem was. It turned out she misinterpreted something I had said to her such that she thought I did not value her contribution or respect her expertise. I told her that I felt the exact opposite and was very sorry that what I had said gave her that impression. I expressed sincere remorse for the misunderstanding and that I hoped we could continue to work together. To my relief, she accepted my apology as she understood that it was genuine and realized that I was not the type of person she initially thought I was. She expressed that she misjudged me and was most willing to continue to work with me. We were both very happy at the end of that phone call. Our working relationship blossomed to its full potential and we became great friends – all based on mutual trust and respect. What once looked like a failed professional relationship became one of my most successful working partnerships. My apology and her acceptance truly saved the day.

When an apology isn’t given when it’s warranted, it reflects poorly on the wrongdoer

Of course, there are some people who never apologize, never acknowledge what they’ve done or that they’ve said something wrong and never express regret for a mistake or insulting remark they may have made. We all know these people. While their inability to say “I’m sorry” is disappointing, we should know that they are struggling with their shortcomings in a way that prevents them from growing. By not admitting their mistakes or apologizing, they may believe they are preserving their own perceived status as a smart or clever individual who is never wrong. Unfortunately, they are unsuccessful in trying to appear infallible. No one is immune to making mistakes.

Some people may view apologizing as something weak. However, apologizing to someone is being the exact opposite of weak. Apologizing shows a person’s self-awareness and willingness to be the best person they can be. It’s admirable.

Occasionally, a person who doesn’t apologize is ignorant of being hurtful or are self-centered to the point of not caring if they hurt others as they go about their day. When dealing with these types of people, it might be wise to just avoid their influence wherever possible. You can choose instead to spend your time with those who show interest in the welfare of others.

If you don’t receive an apology from someone when you think you are owed one, it may be best to simply move on and forget the slight. Remember, hurtful words reflect the weaknesses of the utterer, not the recipient.

Apologies mean so much

By admitting our human failings and apologizing, we become vulnerable and open with others – allowing us to truly connect. We grow and learn. We are reflecting the best of our humanity and become even better humans. And, as a bonus, we relieve ourselves from carrying the awful burden of regret from knowingly not making things right.

You are capable of generously and genuinely apologizing when your heart tells you that it’s the right thing to do. You are strong and resilient, so you know that an apology that doesn’t come your way (but should) reflects upon the other person not you.

You are all these wonderful things because You are the Light of your own Life.