Compliments can hold tremendous power to uplift us and bring joy to others.

The things we say to each other can have a tremendous impact on us. Being kind is paramount. We choose to be kind. It’s a choice we make every time we open our mouths to speak. It doesn’t hurt us or cost us anything to be kind.

We can make it a point to offer up genuine words of kindness to others, such as giving compliments.

When I was younger, and didn’t know better , I would often diminish compliments I received by saying something like “Oh, I don’t know if that’s true” or “Really? I don’t believe you.” I would blush and feel uncomfortable, even though it was so nice of the other person to say a kind thing to me.

We actually need to learn that it is okay to receive a compliment. It is easy to do so in a humble manner. We can receive compliments with graciousness by simply smiling and saying, “Thank you” and maybe adding “That is very kind of you.”

We can tell a friend that we really like her hairstyle or tell her that she is really smart in how she uses the latest technology.  We may tell her that her blouse looks really nice on her. Or maybe we congratulate her on starting a new job, being elected as a School Trustee, or graduating from college. Being her friend means wanting to celebrate her achievements and milestones with her without envy or resentment. We are truly happy for the success our friend is experiencing.

When we purposely withhold the giving of a compliment, what does it say about us?

Success is available to all of us in abundance; it is not finite. Therefore, there is absolutely no reason to not be truly thrilled for a friend’s success – unless we are jealous.

Jealousy comes from our personal insecurities. Being a braggart comes from our personal insecurities. Making snide remarks about someone or being critical of someone comes from our personal insecurities. Being stingy in giving genuine compliments to others reflects our own lack of self-worth.

When we do not feel good about ourselves, for whatever reason, we are hesitant to heap praise on another for fear that it would diminish our own standing in the world somehow. We keep quiet and don’t contribute to celebrating another’s success. But what is really achieved for us here? We actually feel diminished for being that weak of a person. Our choice of behaviour actually breeds more self-contempt and anger at ourselves. Isn’t this the case? If so, we can decide to look beyond ourselves and celebrate our friend’s success. When we do, their joy washes over us so we experience joy as well.

It is worthwhile to examine whether or not we are stingy in giving genuine compliments to others. Is this something we can improve upon or are we being generous in our kindness towards others? I expect you find that the kindness you bestow upon others comes back to you many times over.

Giving a compliment to a stranger – Don’t let shyness prevent you from giving this gift

I used to be a bit shy in being the first to talk to a stranger, even to say a kind word to them. I would not hesitate to engage in a bit of small talk when a person first spoke to me, but I didn’t venture to be the initiator in a brief exchange of pleasant words. I always enjoyed sharing brief words with others as I went about my day; it made me feel good to have these interactions. So, a number of years ago I decided that I would not hesitate to break the ice and say a kind word to a stranger if I was inspired to give a genuine compliment to them. I commuted to work by public transit, so I had the opportunity to see a lot of people on any given workday. When I noticed a particularly pretty coat or a striking handbag being worn or carried by someone, I offered up a compliment to that person if I was within earshot. I hope that whenever I choose to say something unexpected but kind to a stranger that it helps to brighten their day. I know I always appreciate and enjoy hearing a compliment from a stranger – or a friend.

Exceptional compliments are more meaningful than you may know

I believe compliments are very important in our lives, both giving and receiving them. You never know if someone you come across is having a hard day or is going through a difficult time. Sharing a kind word may spark a moment of happiness for them that may ripple out to improve their day – or their life.

Just as a cutting remark can hurt us and remain with us for years (although the utterer is wrong in saying such an uncalled-for thing), a sincere compliment we receive can uplift us and inspire us all though the rest of our lives. Those unique and profound compliments we receive are part of our treasured memory bank. When we feel we need external validation at moments throughout our lives, we can draw on those powerful encouragements and acknowledgements. We can tap into our memories and remember that others have validated our gifts at those times when we doubt ourselves – when we forget that we are the light of our own lives. This is how fundamental top-level compliments can be in our lives.

Take a moment and think of those extraordinary compliments you have received in your life that you have never forgotten. They are pretty powerful. It could be about a skill you excel at or one of your unique gifts that you share with the world. Or it could be about the quality of person you are. These genuine expressions of admiration and appreciation for you are valuable additions to your memory bank.

Here’s a challenge for all of us:  how can we infuse the compliments we give with even more power and insight so that they may become deeply deposited in the recipient’s memory bank? Of course, this wouldn’t apply to our sprinkling of kindness in our daily lives but in cases where we are singularly and truly awed by another’s gifts or essence. When it is clear to you that someone in your sphere needs to know how great they are. Perhaps we could be the individual that gives another a big boost in confidence that carries them on to reach their dreams. Any meaningful and significant compliment given sincerely has the power to benefit the recipient in remarkable ways.

The giving and receiving of gifts

When I was little I loved to get presents. Who didn’t? It was so exciting. It was fun to play with a new toy. The older I got, the more I noticed and came to realize that I derived more pleasure from seeing the joy on a gift recipient’s face than from having received a gift myself. Of course, I always make sure I sincerely thank the person who gave me a gift for their thoughtfulness and generosity. It feels good to help make another person feel special and loved.

We get more joy from giving than receiving and the joy we get is longer sustained. This has been borne out in numerous studies.

Beyond material gift giving, we can be generous by treating a friend for a meal out or inviting them for dinner at our homes or paying for their ticket when going out to the movies together. These kind gestures don’t go unnoticed.

We can give of ourselves to our friends with our time and interest in their lives. We give of ourselves when we are there for our friends when they need someone to have their back or to listen to them when they need a caring ear. We give of ourselves when we support and cheer on our friends when they undertake new responsibilities or challenges or have achieved a personal or career milestone. These are some of the greatest gifts of all.

We can give the gift of a genuine compliment whenever the opportunity presents itself.

It’s how we shine our light from within.